It doesn’t always have to be 3 am, dark and silent to feel it hitting you. It’s only 2 pm and there’s sunshine going through the curtains, the sky is clear,  people are roaming outside, caring on with their lives while i’m crying and trying to figure out what to do with mine. I’m tired of superficiality, tired of spending so many hours pushing myself to make a move in my life. I’m tired of being a friend, a daughter, tired of being a student, a flatmate, tired of being an adult, tired of being a human, tired of being alive. Isn’t that what everyone else is struggling with?  Or for everyone else, life comes with instructions? Because i didn’t receive mine. I wish i could go into a deep coma for a month at least. I wish i never met some of yous, i wish i never touched or spoke to some of yous, i wish i never felt anything. I’m a weak person. And you all can judge me for being tired of being myself. I’m trapped between owing all my goods to everyone else around me and judging them for all my bad.

It’s like i’m having a violent relationship with myself. I aim for good and great but it’s me who brings myself down. Where have i done wrong? ochidevultur

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